Bleeding Love Read online

  He turns, looks to where my mirror used to be and even without knowing, I’m sure he’s smart enough to put the pieces together. Especially since bits of the shattered mirror are still stuck to the wall.

  “Open your eyes, Megan. It’s time to grab the rope,” he so strangely says before turning and walking through the door.

  As I watch his wide shoulders walk through my bedroom I let his words sink in. He’s right. I know it. He knows it. The only problem is, I’m not sure I know how to clear a path to the road he wants me to travel on.

  He’s right. I feel guilt. Probably not for the reasons he suspects, but it’s guilt nonetheless. I had a man who gave up everything for me. Hopes, dreams, a career, and eventually his life. A man who gave up everything so that I could escape a nightmare I was living. A best friend who turned into a husband of safety and then eventually one of friendly love. I was content with that, and I know Jack was too.

  The part I struggle with the most is the feelings Liam brings into my cold, painful life. They are so much more powerful than what I ever felt for the husband that saved me. The battle I feel within is that Liam, with all his annoying determination, is showing me a promise of something that I know deep down, if I were to lose it, would take me to my knees with a pain I know I could never shake free of.

  That . . . that is a terrifying feeling.

  But one that I know I need to be brave enough to take that step toward and that hand he’s been offering me.

  I GIVE MOLLY A HUG and ignore the pain her begging me to stay causes. That little girl could shake me to my core with just one little pout.

  “Stay until she comes out?” I ask Nate.

  “Yup. I’ve got a date with the prettiest girl in the world. ” He looks down at Molly and she smiles huge. Her brown eyes crinkle at the corner and her crooked grin shining bright. “Isn’t that right, Molly-Wolly?”

  She giggles and I hate that it isn’t me she’s giving that look to. Fuck me, I’m in deep here.

  “Next date’s mine, little lady,” I tell her and she nods her head, her curls bouncing around her face.

  I turn and right when I make it to the door I hear her yell my name, her little voice ringing out and echoing against the walls. I turn just in time to catch her small body before it comes crashing into my legs, reaching down I pull her up and her small arms wrap around my neck.

  “I’ll miss you, Leelee,” she whispers.

  I hold her tight and when I look up, I see Megan standing in the hallway with her hand pressed against her chest and her eyes wide.

  Page 33

  “I’ll miss you too, little lady, so much. ”

  My eyes never leave Megan’s. Her pained face the last thing I see before I drop Molly softly to her feet, ruffle her curls and turn to leave them behind. Ignoring every instinct I have to charge in there and demand Megan see what I see.

  That together, if she would just grab that damn rope I’m struggling to hold on to and climb, that we—us and Molly—would have everything.

  It isn’t until I pull my truck into my parent’s driveway that I realize it wasn’t just pain in her gaze right before I left her house. If I’m not mistaken . . . there was also hope.

  I climb down from the cab and make my way up the walk to the front door, my thoughts running a million miles a minute. If I’m right, if that was hope, then maybe—fucking maybe—I’ve finally started to break through the wall that’s been separating us.

  “Whoa, baby boy!”

  Pushing my thoughts aside, I look up and smile at my mom. Her dark hair streaked with gray, her brown eyes holding strong laugh lines, but right now looking at me and seeing right through the smile I’ve plastered on my face.

  “Do you need your mom or your dad right now, honey?”

  I reach out, pull her into my arms and give her a tight hug. Her arms come up and hold me close.

  As my hug pulls her off her feet, she laughs. “My guess is my boy needs me. ” She guesses correctly.

  “A little of both, Mom. Definitely a little of both. ”

  After I place her back down on her heels, she reaches up and pats my cheek. I look down and give her a weak smile.

  “Well, come on. Let’s not let any flies in the house. Your dad is out back mowing the lawn. Let’s me and you have a chat before he comes and hogs all your attention. ”

  I follow her in, going straight to the kitchen and pulling one of the chairs from the table before dropping down.

  “Water, coke or beer?” she asks from the open fridge door.

  “Vodka?”

  “Ah, I figured this chat would be coming sooner or later. ”

  I look at her, questions clear in my eyes because she just smiles. She doesn’t speak as she bends to the cabinet that holds the strong liquor. I watch—and wait—as she fixes my drink before rounding the island and joining me at the table.

  “It’s Megan, right?”

  I narrow my eyes and take a healthy pull, enjoying the way the burn feels down my throat.

  “Should I ask how you know this?”

  “You could, but I won’t give away my secrets. One day, when you’re in my shoes you’ll understand me when I tell you that a mother always knows. ”

  I shake my head and look down into the glass. Not really seeing anything except the way that Megan looked when I walked out of her door.

  “I have no idea if I’m doing this right,” I tell her honestly.

  “Oh, baby,” she starts. “There isn’t a right or wrong way to do anything when it comes to what the heart wants. Everyone has to learn that the hard way. Your father and I had to, just like everyone else. ”

  I look up at her words and I feel my brows pull in.

  “Don’t look at me like that. ” She reaches up and pushes against the skin between my eyes until I relax my gaze. “I talked to Izzy the other night, that’s your freebie. ” She winks, letting me in on her secret to knowing why I’m here before I could tell her. “Dani fills her in often on how Megan is doing. I don’t think it’s lost on you that Izzy and Axel have a soft spot for Megan and Molly. They call them their M&M’s,” she smiles.

  M&M’s, I smile. So fitting.

  “Every step of the way, baby boy. What I haven’t seen for myself, is when you two are in a room together, I’ve heard bits and pieces through Izzy—who got them from Dani. ”

  I look back down to my glass. Damn Dani and her big mouth.

  “You know your father had his hands full when he met me,” she says and I look back up, meeting her sad eyes.

  What is this?

  “I didn’t make it easy, honey. I could kick myself now for all the trouble I was in the beginning. Really made him work for it and all because I was scared. I don’t know what’s holding her back, but it wouldn’t be a stretch to guess. Fear is a powerful thing, but honey she’s also got a lot of loss on her shoulders. All I can tell you is that you’re one hundred and fifty percent your father’s son and I have no doubt in my mind that you feeling this way, means you know what you want. Nothing and I mean nothing, honey, stands in the way of a Beckett man when he’s found that. ”

  Page 34

  I laugh, the sound coming out flat.

  “Not sure that she wants that Beckett determination barking at her door, Mom. ”

  “Then I have no doubt in my mind that you, being your father’s son, will make her change her way of thinking there. ”

  “I’m trying. God, I’m trying. ”

  She smiles, reaches out and pulls my hand from my glass. “Tell me what’s going on. Let’s talk game plan, honey. ”

  I give her a smile, matching the one on her face, and proceed to tell her everything that’s been going on for the last year. Starting with the feelings I had when I first met Megan. When I started spending time with Molly. How I knew she would be mine long before I confirmed that feeling. And finally how I’ve been trying to bring Megan back
to herself. When I finish talking she has tears in her eyes.

  “You’ve always felt deeply, son. I have to say, hearing how you talk about her and her daughter makes me feel nothing but pride. ”

  I open my mouth, but before I can get a word out, I hear the back door open.

  “Wildcat, get your man some water. Damn it’s hot out there. I haven’t been this sweaty since—” My dad’s words die on his lips when he turns to see me sitting with my mom. His gaze, never missing a thing, takes in the serious vibes floating around before he—thankfully—can finish his sentence. “What’s wrong?”

  “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, Beck baby. ” She gives my hand a squeeze, drawing my attention from my father, back to her. “You never give up, baby boy. Never. What you’re feeling, that’s all going to be worth it in the end. If you need me you know I’m here. I love you. ”

  She stands, gives me a kiss on the top of my head and moves to my father. His head tips down but his knowing eyes never leave mine. He gives her a kiss, turning his eyes to hers. I watch just as fascinated as I was when I was a kid and they would have one of their silent moments. They don’t speak, words never needed with them. Her hand comes up and caresses his cheek and he turns his head to kiss her palm. Her skin instantly filling with goose bumps and I know, if I could see her face, she would have that soft look and her eyes would be full of love.

  He waits for her to fill a glass of water, taking it from her offering hand, before giving her another kiss and walking the few steps that separated the doorway and the kitchen table.

  “Call me later, baby,” she tells me and I give her a nod.

  I watch her walk through the arch that takes her from the kitchen and to the stairs that lead up to the second floor before I turn and look at my father.

  “I knew this day would come. ”

  “Did you now?” I ask, pulling my glass up and draining the last of my drink.

  “Always knew it would, I just hope I know how to steer you right, son. ”

  “At this point, I’m not sure there’s a right or wrong way to go. ”

  He smiles, his brown eyes so similar to my own give nothing away as he settles into his chair, leaning back and taking another sip of his water.

  “Mom fill you in?”

  “She filled me in enough. What does she mean about the apple not falling far from the tree?”

  He laughs, “Liam, God son,” he takes a deep breath. “My guess, you’ve got a fight on your hands?”

  I tip my head, rolling his words around and trying to form an answer. Before I can speak, he opens his mouth and continues.

  “I always knew, with how badly I had to fight just to get your mom to give us a chance, that it would come easy once we finally got there. She has and always will be worth every fight and every struggle. I knew the second she came into my life that she was it. One look in a smoky, crowded bar, and I was knocked so hard on my ass I’m sure that I still have the bruise to show for it even now two decades and then some years later. ”

  With nothing but an empty glass, I lean back and wait for him to continue.

  “When you were playing ball in high school, what did I tell you?”

  Clearing my throat, I say, “That anything worth having is worth fighting for. ”

  “Exactly that. I don’t listen much when your mother is yammering on the phone with the girls. I sit back and let her do her thing knowing if she needs to clue me in, she will. So, son, tell me about her. ”

  “Tell you about?” I hedge.

  “Megan. ”

  “You sure you don’t listen in, old man?” I laugh.

  He winks and I laugh. Then, just like Mom, I tell my father everything about Megan and Molly. As I speak, his knowing eyes get bright and I watch as, through my story, my father loses himself in his own memories. When I finish speaking, he clears his throat and drains his glass dry.

  Page 35

  “It’s like history repeating itself, Lee,” he oddly adds when I finish speaking. “Not the exact same, but the foundation built on the same rocky ground. ”

  “Riddles don’t suit you,” I quip.

  “I suppose not when you’ve got more on your mind than you can keep up with. ” He studies me before speaking again, “One look, you said?” At my nod, his smile grows. “Buckle up, son, it’s going to be a bumpy road. ”

  “I’ve got four wheel drive,” I laugh.

  “Liam, I’m really not sure I can add anything here that will help you. As far as I can tell from what you’ve just told me, you’re about ten steps ahead of where I was when I was wearing your shoes. Half the battle is already won. You’re in and breaking down that wall, you just need to make sure you’re ready to catch her when she falls from that prison she’s been living in. ”

  “And if she doesn’t ever get to that point? Because I’ve got to say, I have a hard time seeing the end game through all of this right now. ”

  His hand comes out and grips my shoulder, hard. “That is not an option you give yourself, bud. You don’t give up and you damn sure don’t allow her to give up on you or herself. Your plan’s a good one. Hell, it’s a great one. But I promise you, it’s one that is going to have her hurting before she can heal. From what I know about Megan, she’s been given a lot of pain in her life. It’s up to you to show her that in pain there is always beauty to be found. ”

  “I don’t want to give up on her. ”

  “Then don’t. Honestly, son, this isn’t about you right now. Sure, in a way it is, but until you get her to . . . what did you call that list?”

  “Feeling Alive,” I tell him.

  “Yeah, until you get her to remember how to live past that pain she’s been clutching tight to, then you need to hold on and gear up. What’s the next step?”

  “Number two on the list was karaoke. ”

  His brows furrow. “What in the hell is there about karaoke that put it on the list at number two?”

  I smile, feeling that determination that I had started to lose come back.

  “You have to learn to laugh when you feel so scared that you just want to run and hide. You have to hike those big girl pants up and even though you want nothing more than to run back to your little bubble of safety, and push through the fear to let yourself dance to the music. ”

  He smiles and I look into my father’s eyes and give him a big grin of my own.

  “Proud of you, son. She isn’t going to know what hit her with my boy working that Beckett magic. ”

  I laugh, “I hope she doesn’t. Thanks for the chat, Dad. Love you. ”

  “Love you too, bud. Now tell me how much you hate those ten-hour shifts. ”

  We spend the next hour talking about how my shifts at work are going now that I’m on patrol. He tells me how things are going down where he works at Corps Security and as always reminds me that he wishes I had decided to come and work for him and not joined the force.

  By the time my mom joins us we’d moved into the living room, beers in each hand, and the television on the sports channel. I don’t leave until long after my mom had filled my stomach with a meal fit for a king and a calming sense of purpose to get my girls.

  IT’S BEEN A WEEK SINCE Liam stood at my front door and hugged my daughter goodbye.

  A week of silence from him.

  A week of me missing him fiercely.

  A week of realizing that continuing to push him away will be fruitless, because in this week I’ve craved him with an unhealthy degree.

  It baffles me that he could be under my skin, so deeply imbedded this soon. While we’ve known each other for almost two years—or at least that’s how long it’s been since I was first introduced to everyone at Cohen’s going away party. In that two years we’ve been thrown together at various parties, group nights out, and basically whenever Dani pulled me out of the house when I would get too consumed with work. For the last six months of those tw
o years though he hadn’t hidden his attraction. Little touches here and there¸ the casual brush of his skin when he would walk by, or most recently—after Dani and Cohen’s wedding—our shared night of the hottest sex I’ve ever had.

  I think it was during the paintball game that I realized he had started to burrow under my skin. When I looked at him, his knee-melting smile shining bright, and felt my gut get tight . . . that’s when I knew how much trouble I was in.

  Page 36

  Then he held me in his arms while I completely lost my shit and ever since I felt his arms wrapped tight around me in comfort, I’ve been craving that feeling for every second of every day since he walked out my door.

  “What are you thinking about that has that frown making an appearance?” Dani questions.

  “Just thinking,” I tell her.

  I look up from where I had been signing the last of my book orders and look around my dining room table. She isn’t focused on me, instead on packaging the last book that I had slid her way. I watch as she handles the paperback with so much care, her eyes rolling over her fingertips as she touches the glossy cover. Moving my gaze from hers, I look over at Maddi and Stella, who have been helping me get together my weekly mail outs.

  This—having them in this part of my life—was a huge step for me this week. It was part one of my plan to let those walls crumble and what better way than finally letting them see all of me. Dani, of course, knew but it was news to the other girls.

  “Thinking about Lee?” Maddi probes.

  I take a deep breath, “Yes. ”

  Dani stops what she’s doing and snaps her eyes to me, causing me to laugh.

  “Shocked I admitted to it?” I jokingly ask.