Bleeding Love Read online

Page 48

  “Baby, he loved you,” I tell her honestly.

  She shakes her head and it kills me that she really believes that.

  “Megan, look at me. See me, darlin’. ” I plead. I wait for her to collect herself before I continue. “You know I love Dani like she’s my sister. You and Jack are just like Dani and me. Best friends with a bond that can’t be shaken. He didn’t give up anything for you that he wasn’t okay with losing. But he was not okay with losing you. He did what he did because he loved you. Have you been living with that guilt this whole time?”

  “Since the day he told me he enlisted. He did it all for me, Lee and in the end he died for it. I’ve felt that every day for the last six years. He gave me a happy life, you have to understand that, we were so blissfully happy that I didn’t mind that we had the most unconventional marriage. But I have always felt the guilt of his decision since the day when he made it. I didn’t show him. Never let him see that cloud hanging over us, but it was there and I felt the bone-crippling pain of that guilt when they told me he was killed. ”

  “You need to let that go, darlin’. Let go of that thought that he didn’t love you and forget it. I’m telling you, as a man cut from the same cloth, if Dani had been in your shoes, I wouldn’t have married her, baby. Not because I wouldn’t have wanted her safe, but because I don’t love her past a sibling-like bond. I would have made her safe, but not by marrying her. Your husband, baby, he loved you. ”

  Her eyes widen and I watch, helplessly, as her lids fill and when the first sob hits her body, I take her in my arms and hold her as she not only relives her pain, but comes to terms with the realization that she’s had it all wrong for six very long and very agonizing years.

  “I didn’t love him like that, Lee. ” She says a long while after the tears had dried and her body had stilled. “What kind of person does that make me, that I never loved him like that? He was my best friend and I loved him, but I was never ever in love with him. Not when he saved me, made it safe, or even after we had Molly and we fell into a real marriage. It always felt so forced when we tried to be more than just friends. ”

  I tighten my arms and close my eyes. I run my fingers through her hair before resting my hand against her head as it rests against my chest.

  “Makes you human, Megan. You two made the best out of a shit situation. He died serving his country, baby. He died a hero. He died knowing he was a father of a beautiful girl that has her mother’s smile and the fighting spirit of the only real father she will ever know—your husband. He loved a good woman and if I had my guess, with all of that, he died happy. Darlin’, it’s time to let it go. Give it to me and let me take your pain, but you never forget that despite everything that happened before, he loved you and Molly, and he died a happy man that had the world. ”

  “How do you know that?” she sobs, her tears picking back up. Tears she needs to finally heal from her pain. Tears that, as they soak through my naked skin, heal because I take her pain.

  “Because, there is no way he could have you and Molly in his life and not know what kind of beauty he held in his hands. Darlin’ trust me. He didn’t regret a second of it. Bet my life on it. ”

  “Oh, God,” she sobs. “Lee. ”

  My name comes out of her mouth and I know that I will never forget the sound. Her agony laced so deep into that one word that long into the night I hold her to me, tight, as she slips in and out of sleep. The tears don’t leave for long and even when she managed to drift off to sleep, those sobs never stop shaking her body.

  My hold never wavers as I make true to my promise and take every single pain filled tear, every ghost of her past that comes shaking from the force of her cries, and I pull that pain deep inside and lock it tight so that it can never hurt her again.

  “GOOD MORNIN,’ DARLIN’. ”

  I shake my head against his voice and burrow deeper into his warm skin.

  “I would let you sleep the day away if I could. No place I would rather have you than right here naked in my arms, but we need to talk and I want some time to enjoy my woman, soft from sleep, before we have to get going. ”

  Lifting my head, I look through the blonde mess of hair that is currently more in my face than his now. His eyes look tired, but alert. The stubble from last night has darkened his jaw even more, framing that knee-melting smile to perfection.

  “You need to use the restroom before we have that talk?” he asks, that smile deepening until his dimple pops.

  I nod and before he unwraps his arms from my body, his head tips up from the pillow it was resting on and his lips touch mine. So soft it was just a breath of his skin before he pulled away.

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  “Hurry back to me, darlin’. ”

  Without too much fanfare, I untangle my body from his, instantly missing the warmth of his touch. I hear him laugh as I pull the sheet with me as I stand and I turn to glare at him, but stumble on my feet instantly. My glare vanishes and my jaw drops.

  I should have considered, possibly, that it wasn’t the best idea to take the only sheet we had with me. All I thought was that there was no way I wanted to parade through his very bright bedroom with all my jiggly bits on display. But, I didn’t think because in nabbing that sheet, I left him—all of him—on display and he’s loving every second of this. Very obviously.

  My eyes go from his erection to his face a few times, not stopping to enjoy the deliciousness in between. Just like a tennis match, crotch to head and back again. My eyes widen when his laughter picks up and that beautifully huge erection of his bobs up and down. Just jumping around like a Mexican jumping bean or something. There wasn’t any going back to his eyes after that. My gaze was trapped on his cock and it would take an act of God to change that.

  “Keep looking at me like that and we’re going to have issues,” his voice grumbles.

  I lick my lips and all his laughter stops. But my eyes never leave his crotch. Jesus, is he getting harder?

  “Megan,” he warns.

  I don’t move. My hands itch where I have the sheet clamped tight against my chest and I have to shift from foot to foot with the building pressure between my legs. He is getting harder.

  “Lick your lips like that again and I won’t be able to hold back. ”

  His voice sounds strained. Well, hell, judging by how angry his cock looks, I would guess strained is a pretty fair assumption.

  “Megan,” he barks and I jump slightly. “Bathroom. Now. We need to talk before I fuck you and if you keep this shit up there won’t be any of the former. Just a lot of fucking. ”

  I nod then lick my lips. When I hear him make some kind of animalistic noise deep in his throat, I jump, spin and run to the bathroom.

  I make quick work of the toilet, wash my hands and attempt to do something with my wild hair. When I look at myself in the mirror I want to puke. My eyes are swollen from crying most of the night; little, puffy red bags making them look small and beady. My nose is red and my lips are slightly chapped.

  I look like a hot mess.

  And Liam—no Lee—still wanted me. A lot.

  I smile to myself when I think about what calling him Lee does to him. The second I used his nickname, something I have never done because I felt like by not using it I could keep some more distance between us, he came alive and the reward was so great that there is no way I’m going back to Liam.

  My gaze falls from my face and I look around the counter. I see his toothbrush resting in a cup next to the sink. The toothpaste on the other side, neatly capped and not a mess like some people leave theirs. A girly looking bottle of hand soap, that I know deep down either came from his mom or Dani. No way he would have something like that. Lee strikes me as the kind of man that would have a bar of off brand soap, but not high-end girly stuff.

  Shifting on my feet, I worry my lip and try to figure out the whole smelly breath, yucky teeth, situation I have myself in right now. />
  “Megan,” Lee barks from the other side of the door. “Did you fall in?”

  I take a deep breath, hike the sheet tighter and turn to open the door. He hasn’t moved from his bed, his hands folded behind his head and that gloriously hard cock still standing at full attention.

  “Stop,” he warns and my eyes shoot to his. He studies my face for a second before speaking. “What’s bothering you, darlin’. ” His tone is soft, comforting.

  He starts to come up, his elbow digging into the mattress as his feet uncross and he starts to swing his frame from where he had been resting. I hold my hand up and he pauses.

  “I, uh, well . . . okay. I know you’re a single guy living alone and all, but sometimes single guys stock up and like to be prepared. I mean, I’m prepared, but I have Molly so it makes sense to have, like, ten of everything—”

  I snap my mouth shut when he lifts off the bed and prowls toward me. He moved so quickly that one second he was in the bed, and the next he was standing in front of me with his hands resting right where my back meets the swell of my ass.

  “Breathe,”

  I do and he smiles.

  “Not single,” he states and I feel my brow wrinkle. “Darlin’, wasn’t alone in that bed last night. I. Am not. Single. ”

  “Oh,” I say on a sigh.

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  “Darlin’. ” He dips his neck down and moves his face level with mine. “Seriously?”

  I shiver with the look in his eyes. Soft and hard, all at the same time. But not for a second holding back his happy adoration.

  “Seriously?” he questions again.

  Coming out of my fog, I shake my head and when he pulls back I hurry to find my voice.

  “I know,” I gasp. “I know. I mean, I think I know. I, you, uh . . . we . . . what I mean is, shit. I just wanted to know if you have a spare toothbrush. ”

  I look up when I feel his body start to move slightly and his knee-melting smile hits me at full force, dimple and all.

  “It isn’t funny, Lee. ”

  His eyes drop with my words and those hands at my lower back move down and hit my bottom. With each hand, his fingers flex and he pulls me closer. I stumble when the sheet tangles with my feet, but move to fall into his body. My eyes losing his as my vision fills with his tan chest.

  “You aren’t single either, Megan. ”

  “I just need a toothbrush,” I mumble against his skin and pull back enough to place a kiss against his pec.

  “And you know you aren’t single. ”

  “I know,” I whisper.

  “You know that because last night, you felt it. You felt everything that I’ve seen since day one. ”

  I nod, but don’t speak.

  “You felt it all. ”

  “I did,” I confirm and with my words, I take the last bit of the wall I had around me for years and kick the shit out of it. “Lee, I just need a toothbrush. ”

  His body shakes, hard this time, and I pull my head back just in time to see him tip his head back and laugh. The sound, rich and like velvet to my skin, brings a smile to my face and a feeling of completeness settles in, taking the void I have felt for so long and filling it so full, it’s spilling over the edge.

  “Had my mouth on you just hours ago. All over you, darlin’. My mouth was inside of you. As deep as I could go. I think it’s safe to say, my toothbrush, is your toothbrush. ”

  I narrow my eyes and his smile grows.

  “You just ruined the moment, bucko!” I snap and pull from his body then stomp into the bathroom.

  His laughter trailing behind me.

  And when I look in the mirror for the second time this morning, I don’t see that lingering sadness. I pick up his toothbrush and as I stand there and brush my teeth, all I see is happiness.

  Finally.

  I unloaded on him last night and I know he wants to talk about that, I just don’t know what to say. It was so much easier in the darkness. I used his strength and that helped to get the courage to open up. He deserves me giving it all to him and in order to do that I need to give him the light too.

  With a deep breath of courage, I rinse off his brush and open the door. He walks over from the spot just in front of the door where I left him, the second I step out of the bathroom. His head comes down and I get a quick kiss.

  “Don’t get dressed, darlin’. I like your skin on mine. ”

  And then he’s gone, with the bathroom shutting to a crack behind him.

  Well.

  I might not get dressed, but the sheet stays.

  My ass had just hit the bed when he came back into the room. Not even giving one thought to the fact that he is still very naked and very aroused. I hear his laugh and snap my eyes up from where I had, once again, been staring at his erection.

  “Darlin’ I really need you to focus. You’ll get my cock when we finish, okay?”

  “I am focusing,” I retort.

  He laughs, “Yeah, focusing on my cock isn’t going to help us right now. ”

  He reaches out and his large hand wraps around the base of his shaft. His long fingers curling to pull his sac up. He moves his hand, fingers dropping his sac, and he gives himself a few lazy pulls. I close my eyes and drop my body to fall to the mattress with a groan.

  I feel the mattress dip with his weight and when my eyes open his face is right there, so close that our noses are just a breath away.

  “Good morning, darlin’,” he says, repeating those words he rumbled earlier.

  So carefree and confident. He’s changing me. Every second that I’m with him, I feel myself changing into a person that feels the lightness of happiness. He is making me a better person.

  “Hey,” I smile.

  His hand moves up my side and when he reaches the top of the sheet, it’s pulled and thrown away from our bodies and out of my grasp in seconds.

  “I told you, I like your skin on mine. ”

  My pulse speeds up and I look into his amused eyes.

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  “You have nothing to hide from me, Megan. Not your body and not your thoughts. ”

  “Okay,” I gulp.

  “We need to talk, darlin’,” he tells me softly, his eyes searching.

  “I know. ”

  “Do you want me to start?”

  I nod and he gives me a quick kiss before adjusting our bodies. When he’s done, my back is to the mattress and his large body is covering mine. He keeps his weight off, but still manages to make me feel like I’m covered head to toe in his strength. Our legs are tangled together, his body turned slightly so that, even with me fully in his arms, his hips are on the bed next to me. One of his arms goes under my body at my shoulders and the other hits right under my chest, his long fingers wrapping around the base of my breast. His face dips into my neck and he gives me a kiss before pulling back and looking into my eyes.

  “You gave me a lot of heaviness last night. Pain that you’ve carried for a long time, darlin’, and I know that has to leave you hurting. Honesty here, complete honesty, it cut me to the bone to hear what’s been weighing you down for years, Megan. It’s a pain I don’t mind, if it means you’ve unloaded some of that weight for me to carry. What I need is to know where your head is. ”

  He waits, his unwavering patience with me so clear in this moment.

  “It’s gone,” I whisper, my eyes never leaving his.

  “What is, baby?”

  “The pain. ”

  His eyes close and the arms holding me go tight.

  “I have a lot of years thinking one way, that won’t go away over night, but what you said, about Jack, hearing that and letting those thoughts roll through my head all night . . . you’re right. Every memory I have of him, before and after Molly, there isn’t one that he isn’t over the moon happy. Even though we didn’t share a love that was built conventionally, I can see it now. He was my best frien
d and he made my life a better place as a child and as my husband. ”

  “He held the world, darlin’, no doubt in my mind about how he felt. ”

  “He would love you. ”

  “Yeah?”

  He settles and I roll slightly so that I’m about to look into his eyes, our bodies now facing each other.

  “It’s hard, because I will always miss him and I would never wish Molly away, but had my life taken a different turn and I met you . . . he would have been our biggest cheerleader. ” Reaching up, my hand cups his jaw. “He always wanted me to live a life better than what we were born into. He saw it for himself, but I couldn’t, not for the life of me, see beauty coming from that. He would joke that one day I would walk right into a new life and I would be too busy living in my head that I would miss it until my ass hit the ground. Lee, you pack a mean punch and I think my ass still feels the sting of the ground. ”

  “You see it now, huh?” He looks deep into my eyes and blinds me with that smile.

  “Yeah, baby, I see it. I see everything that I couldn’t see before. Everything. ”

  “I won’t let you go, Megan. I waited and I knew the second that I saw you that this was it for me. Do you know how hard it was to keep my distance and wait for you to be ready?”

  “I’m still scared,” I tell him honestly.

  His body moves closer and I move into his body until my arms wrap around us and I feel him completely.

  “You get that what I had with Jack was something that, when I lost him, almost destroyed me?” He nods and I continue in hushed tones. “That almost destroyed me and the way I feel toward you, even this early, I know it’s so much more powerful. ”

  “It’s not early, Megan. I’ve been here, picking away at your walls for almost two years. ” He laughs but it holds no humor. “If it hadn’t been Dani and Cohen’s wedding, it would have happened not long after. You were weakening around me every time I was near and it was only a matter of time. We’ve spent enough time together that you know what you feel. It’s never too soon when you’re sure. We didn’t just meet on the streets. We’ve been building this for a long while, darlin’. ”